Your Presence Is the Present

Holidays can be tough on emotions — especially so while going through divorce. This season, give your kids what they really want (and need)...your presence

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‘Tis the season to be...frazzled, overwhelmed, triggered...oh, and jolly (with some powdered sugar on top)!

Sorry to sound all bah humbug, but even in the best of life scenarios we have to keep ourselves in check so we can avoid the emotional overload and physical depletion — let alone when we toss in divorce on top.

You don’t need me to tell you that divorce is a time of turbulence when nothing feels the same and you don’t know whether you should run back or run for cover. That’s what pain does to us. And then we look around and all we perceive is that everyone else’s life outside our homes looks like something out of a Hallmark Christmas movie. But it isn’t.

Here’s the reality: your life and family are in transition. Nothing will feel the same because it isn’t the same.

Don’t set yourself up with unrealistic expectation about what the holidays should look and feel like — and know that is OK. This is temporary.

Remember that you are leaving this marriage for a reason — and it takes courage to change the things that need to change — and to leave behind the things that aren’t healthy for you and your kids. You are courageous and you need to feel what you feel in the process, holidays or not.

That said, it is also a permission slip to self to create new traditions and memories.

Hold onto the aspects of your celebrations that fill you, release those that don’t. Allow new ones to emerge organically. Enlist your kids (no matter how young) to strategize. And be kind to yourself as you go. Most of all, allow yourself to laugh and find joy...even between the sadness, the tears and the anger.

Sometimes the season doesn’t seem to coordinate and fall in line with our expectations, especially during the holidays. Just allow yourself to sit with that, to remember it is a time of transition — your blank canvas to paint upon.

What do you want this new painting to look like? Take your time, momma. Do the best that you can to show up and be present. Maybe you can’t bring on the entire Martha Stewart holiday house this year, but your presence with your kids is your present.

They want that more than anything...and the cost is free. And you know what? It’s good medicine for you too.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine