Your Next Date

Self-love is one of those afterthoughts that gets shoved to the side, but it’s actually a non-negotiable for your healing and divorce strategy

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This might surprise you, but it’s time to date again. What? Yep. That’s right, you’re ready…and I’ve got the perfect date lined up…YOU.

I want you to date yourself.

What do you want to do?

Where do you want to go?

What do you want to eat?

How can you make yourself the focus of attention?

How does this make you feel? Does it make you squirm as you recount all the other parts of your life, all the responsibilities and agendas that need to be attended to first? Good. We’ve got some patterns to break and some beliefs to shift.

Now back to you.

Think about when you first fall in love with someone. You’re so attentive to that person’s interests, likes, dislikes, vulnerabilities, and desires. You pay attention to everything, hang onto every word they say. You’re in awe of their potential and see their greatness and beauty. Everything about them makes you smile. You simply can’t get enough! You know...butterflies and all.

Now this may sound a little silly, but sometimes we don’t even realize how far we stray from ourselves, especially us mamas.

I’ve had women in our program who literally struggle to answer the questions — What brings you joy? What makes you happy?

That’s how far away they’ve gotten from themselves. And they’re not alone...it’s just that no one speaks about it — or stops to unpack it.

Somewhere in the marriage, they stopped honoring their unique gifts and desires. They stopped loving themselves. They stopped acknowledging that their needs matter — or that they even had needs.

There is no honor in dishonoring self — and remember, you can’t pour from an empty pitcher. Eventually, something has to give.

So, where do you begin? I want you to woo yourself. It’s that simple.

Start by writing yourself a love letter — and include every glorious thing about you, remember it all — reclaim it. Imagine that this was being written by someone who saw every magnificent aspect of you. Don’t be shy, get it down on paper and declare it.

The reality is that the more uncomfortable this exercise feels, the more revealing it is. It’s like going to the gym for the first time in a long time. Initially, it’s awkward, you may feel out of place, your muscles may feel weak and sore afterwards — but over time the benefits begin to appear — and you crave more.

What would make your spirit jump up and down?

I see myself sitting in a sidewalk café in Paris with the perfect café au lait, a notebook and a pen — writing away, occasionally glancing up at those passing by. OK fine, maybe the Paris part will have to wait for the moment but indulge yourself. What would that look like to you?

Start daydreaming.

What do you like?

What lights you up?

What have you hidden away?

Dear Self,

Please forgive me for taking such a long sabbatical. Guess what? I’m back and I’m committed to not abandoning you ever again. So, let’s get going. Where should we start?

Far too often and for many reasons, women give their power away. They identify their worth by external influences, including their husbands. As the famous line from the movie, Jerry Maguire said... “You complete me.”

I want you to complete yourself — to nurture yourself.

Life is not a zero-sum game — meaning that your self-care must come at the expense of something else or taking care of someone else. Our lives are full, and we are often pulled in many directions as mamas, but that doesn’t mean we can’t show up for ourselves.

Maybe it’s time to book a date with yourself, get reacquainted and fall in love.

Yes, I think you are ready for the dating scene again — this time with the perfect match.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine