YOU Matter

Mothers often lose themselves in marriage (especially in divorce)...isn’t it time to declare you matter?

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Pssst. Yes, you. I’m talking to YOU, momma.

When was the last time you did something for the sole purpose of taking care of yourself? Hmmm. Need to think about that one for a minute?

And yes, I know you are going through a divorce...

Why is it that so many women feel that they have to qualify their needs — explain themselves, justify self-care and their asks?

I don’t know how or where or why many of us agreed to assume this role. It’s not a requirement for motherhood and yet, here we are.

So many mommas lose themselves in the family unit as their own needs fall to the bottom of the laundry basket. But I kid you not, this pattern gets repeated for so long it almost becomes the norm — as if it were a part of our DNA. And yet...it’s not.

When we lose pieces of ourselves along the way, something within us begins to wither and gnaw away at us. We laugh less, get irritated more. Slowly, we become people we no longer recognize — a shell of who we thought we were going to be.

While divorce can feel like an upheaval of epic proportions, it can also be an opportunity to recover the person you once were, dreaming those dreams you once had, becoming the momma you want to be. Standing up for yourself and redefining new rules of engagement. (How refreshing is that?!)

Still, these can feel like a bunch of fluffy self-help-ey words that sound great, but in all practicality, you have no idea how to incorporate. That’s Ok. Just recognizing that something has to shift is the beginning of your healing journey.

The mothers I work with know that they will likely need an attorney or mediator, an accountant or financial advisor, maybe a child therapist or counselor or all of it. They know divorce can be a costly venture, but even in that uncertainty, anxiety and fear — they also recognize that they matter...and that HOW they navigate the divorce matters.

This is not the time for the ‘hope and pray’ method. This is a time for strategy.

And what many overlook is the fact that mindset is strategy. Imagine that...you can simultaneously address your needs and increase the odds of better outcomes in the divorce proceedings. Yep. It’s true.

You will get to the other side of your divorce and so will your kids. The question is in what condition?

Are you going to be a worn-out, frazzled mess screeching in on 2 wheels barely keeping it together? Are you going to stand by not knowing what moves to make as your kids begin to act out — maybe they are having trouble sleeping or with schoolwork, maybe behavior issues are emerging or you are witnessing emotional changes in them? Are you going to stand by and just hope for the best?

Hell no!

Repeat after me: I matter.

I matter.

I matter.

I matter.

Repeat it until you believe it and can embody it — then nurture it and lean more into it. That will look differently for each of us, but you deserve the support you need. You deserve to be seen, heard, validated, celebrated. You are worthy of the investment.

Besides, you know what? We often think about the upfront costs of getting the help we need, but we rarely realize the price we may pay down the road for the ramifications of ignoring our needs and our kids needs while going through the process.

Think of it like choosing a surgeon for a procedure you need. Would you just choose anyone — someone with no track record or that is the least expensive — or do you invest in yourself? A botched surgery is like a botched divorce — something you will have to live with for a long time. Something that will cost you dearly.

You matter, momma. You are worthy of the support you need to get through this divorce. Listen to your heart. Ask your intuition how it would feel to have emotional support for yourself as you navigate this chapter of your life? Feels like an exhale, right? Well, I repeat...you matter and are worthy of that support.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine