Worry vs. Trust

You will eventually get to the other side of divorce, the question is in what condition? The gamechanger here is choosing to focus on worry or trust.

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Where are you investing your energy, mama? Are you being sucked down a dark tunnel of worry — waking up in the middle of the night, focusing on all that can go wrong — or are you finding a way to trust that you will get to the other side of this intact and that life IS working out for you?

Could you focus on what could possibly go RIGHT?

I know that’s a tall order. No one likes limbo. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes feeling vulnerable. But here we are...smack dab in the midst of a messy divorce that’s stirring the emotional pot.

Deep breath...and another one.

No, a legion of unicorns is not about to descend upon your house to sprinkle stardust about the room. No one is coming to save you. No one can really ‘fix’ this or clean it up despite their guidance, counsel, and support...except for one person. YOU.

And you’re likely talking out loud as you read those words and saying, Yeah, but HOW exactly am I supposed to do that?

The bottom line is that you won’t resolve everything in an instant. Divorce is a process and it is wrought with delays and agendas and frustrations. However, it will eventually end.

If you try to tackle all of your ‘worries’ and self-defeating thoughts and beliefs in one moment, you will feel like you are drowning and gasping for air. Try instead to prioritize which fire is most pressing. Focus on that and table the others temporarily.

And worrying? Oh, that is a serious waste of your precious time.

When we worry, we feed exactly what we don’t want. When we trust, we breathe into what we do want...and we move further in that direction.

When worry comes a knockin’, USE this energy. Show it who’s boss. Remind it that you are the one steering this ship. The horizon may be fuzzy in the distance, but you are headed for better shores and a new destination and chapter of your design.

And again, I get how that can sound like a pipe dream today, here in the midst of this mess. But what other choice do you have?

When you feel yourself slipping — try to interrupt it. Perhaps you’ve been triggered by an event, the negotiations, something your ex said, a response from an attorney, court delays — or just the mere fact that you are working overtime to just keep it all together. It’s a lot. Now what?

Quickly assess what you can do in any given moment.

• Is this issue mine to solve?
• Can I do anything that will change the outcome in THIS moment?
• OR can I shift my focus to something productive, that will make me feel better about myself, my home, my kids, my work — and get back to this triggering issue later?

This is harnessing the power of discernment. If you can’t change something in the moment, let it be. Redirect your focus.

For example, I have mamas in the program who, despite being surrounded by troublesome circumstances, wouldn’t relinquish their dreams — one completed a Masters Degree, one bought a new home and another started a business and published her first book! Yes, it’s true.

That didn’t mean it was easy — anything but. It means that they held on fiercely to what was important to them.

They had no guarantees, but they kept putting one foot in front of the other while fighting the forces of divorce — through tears and clouds of self-doubt, they continued to show up to class, to keep going, to not give up.

The divorce process will proceed one way or another. You can make it easier on yourself or not. You can choose to mitigate your suffering and not get lost in the meantime — or not.

I know this is a time of great uncertainty, vulnerability and upheaval. It’s hard to stay positive in chaos, but one way to do it is to look in a new direction. You may not know all the steps to take.

You may not have all the answers and you certainly don’t have any guarantees — but wouldn’t it feel better to lean into something that makes you feel alive?

There is a time to be quiet, introspective and nurturing of self — and that’s a critical component of any life transition. But wallowing and worrying doesn’t move the needle, it only keeps you handcuffed to your pain. Just to be clear, manifesting your dreams is a great way to nurture yourself.

You don’t need to attain a degree or launch a new entrepreneurial project or secure a mortgage to do so, but you can ask yourself — What will make me feel better in this moment? What will feel like a step in the direction of my desires?

Trust yourself. Ask and you shall receive an answer.

What makes you happy? Journaling, reading a great book curled up in a cozy chair, a walk in nature, lunch with a girlfriend, an adventure with your kids, cooking, creating, daydreaming? Whatever that may be for you, allow it to emerge and come forth — and see where it leads you. Could you make a commitment to self?

If not now, when?

It’s time to stop denying the truth of who you are and what you want. You’ve likely done that for a long time now. New chapter, new you.

So, what’s it going to be?

How about we try ditching the worry (that doesn’t serve us anyway) and lean into trusting our own inner call. Trusting yourself, reminding yourself each time you wobble that you’re going to be OK, will ease the bumps in this rocky ride, mama. I promise.

I see you. Do you?

— Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach & Founder, Best Self Intuitive Divorce

Please join me in congratulating Nineveh (aka Gutsy Rituals), one of our precious mamas in the group — who has just launched her 1st creative baby into the world!!!! Her book, The Ultimate Gratitude Journal for Kids. WOOT! 🎉 👏 🎉 👏

Yes, even amidst this emotional divorce process, she has held onto her vision and dreams for the future. This is a BIG first step and I know you will support me (and her) in congratulating her and sharing this precious creation (the 1st of many to come) with anyone you feel could benefit from it.

A few words from Nineveh:

"My journals are creative, fun and allow parents to connect with their children through meaningful conversations. These journals are meant for you to assist your child so that you can reinforce the practice and explore their interests, challenges and aspirations together.

Click image above to view on Amazon