Who Do You Trust?

During divorce, the most important voice of all is the one we most often ignore, deny, betray. Here's why that needs to change...now. 

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You know what is the hardest thing during divorce (and life) for us mommas?

Trusting our gut.

Yep, it’s the single most common aspect where we betray ourselves and pass off our power to others as if to say:

Here, you make the decisions

Just tell me what to do

What do you think?

And while we may very well find ourselves surrounded by good advisors; a competent attorney, a skilled child psychologist, loving friends and family, and community support — there is one authority missing from the table — the one who should be sitting at the head…and that is YOU.

Far too often our voices get muffled, our desires pushed to the side and we defer to others to make some of the most important choices of our lives. But at the end of the day, YOU will be left with the ramifications of those moves…no one else. Afterwards, everyone else will go back to their homes and their lives. Now what?

Wouldn’t it be easier to make aligned choices from the beginning? Of course. Less time, less money and less anguish.

It’s easy to lose ourselves and our confidence in decision-making during divorce. There’s a lot going on, a lot to juggle, a lot getting stirred in the emotional pot — and then there are our kids on the sidelines we are worrying about.

First off, I want to say something that may help you with this. You don’t have to have all the answers and even when you make a ‘right’ decision today, you have the ability to pivot and make a new one down the road. That said, the one thing you won’t want to do…is not be heard, not lean in and make a move.

Divorce is painful, even if you are the one who’s initiating it. It’s still the dissolution of a family unit and dreams you held. There is a grieving period that is necessary, but that doesn’t mean you can stop listening to yourself.

Maybe that isn’t a muscle you’ve flexed regularly, but regardless, it’s one you will want to lean into right now…and honestly for the rest of your life. When you learn to activate your own intuitive voice, to connect with your own inner wisdom and trust it — there is no turning back. It may take some practice and self-awareness to break some old habits, but is well worth the effort. This is your most precious tool (and it’s been there all along).

And don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to set off on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica (though that would be nice). No, I’m just going to ask you to pay attention. To nurture quiet so that you can hear the stirrings within. There is a voice inside that wants to be heard. It has something to say.

And what if I told you that your GUT = God Uttering Truth? Did your ears perk up?

I believe that when we tune into our bodies, we can feel our answers. You know when someone is telling you the truth or not. You know when something makes you feel nervous or anxious. You feel it in your belly. You also know the joy of being touched profoundly as tears well up in your eyes or butterflies fly about your insides. These are all the body’s cues reaching forward.

What could you do today to reconnect with your gut, intuition, inner GPS?

If you do nothing else today, gift yourself a few moments of feeling into yourself — take a walk in nature without AirPods in your ears distracting you with music or podcasts. Or if you don’t have time for that, try the same while preparing dinner. Be mindful and present with your thoughts.

Try taking in less noise, more inner wisdom. Could you sit quietly in the stillness of meditation with one hand on your heart, one on your belly breathing? Ask your body how are you doing? What do I need to see?

Your gut is your truest guide. Run everything through this filter — every move, every decision. You will notice a significant difference in how you navigate the world. You will no longer second-guess every move and you will begin to trust yourself…no clean up after the fact necessary.

Doesn’t that sound better? During a time like divorce, you need more clarity, less chaos. That’s what trusting your gut can do for you. And it won’t cost you a thing!

What could you do today to step further in that direction?

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine