Where Did You Go?

Divorce in all its messiness and complexity is also an opportunity for healing and reclaiming lost pieces and parts of ourself

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Guess who that cutie is posing on the diving board with the cutout 70’s bathing suit? You got it, c’est moi!

I think it’s my all-time favorite picture of me as a little girl. So much so, that I decided to print it out recently and taped it up in my office to make me smile, to feel inspired and to remember — remember who I am.

You often see the question posed, “What would you reach back and tell your younger self?” I think a more powerful way to employ that is to ask, “What is your younger self trying to tell you now?”

What do you remember about her?

What were her BIG dreams?

What did she think was possible?

What was she going to be when she grew up?

What made her laugh?

What did she love to do?

Now I want to ask you, where did she go? What happened...life? Marriage? Kids? Career? The agendas of others? Roadblocks?

...Divorce?

Is this marriage and this divorce what she had in mind? Hell no.

But just because it landed here doesn’t mean that it was all a failure...so, I don’t want you to spend time beating yourself up or thinking that you are powerless. To the contrary, I want you to remember who you are and summon her again.

I want you to go find your favorite childhood pic and post it somewhere, too, as a reminder that your dreams don’t expire. You can use the events of your life instead of being used by them. Ask your younger self:

What do you want me to remember?

What do you want me to see?

How do you want me to be?

Start daydreaming, journaling, reclaiming...see where it leads you and allow it to inspire you to take your life experiences and make new meaning from them. You get to shift this narrative and reclaim all the lost pieces and parts of yourself that got buried in your marriage — and potentially more so in your divorce.

Go ahead and gather those dreams back up. They are all still there and your younger self is jumping up and down right now within you, just contemplating your return.

No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what missteps you’ve made, no matter what paths you’ve missed, no matter how many red flags you’ve denied...today is a new day and a new chance to make a different choice for you and your kids.

Yes, divorce is hard. You may be feeling completely broken open, vulnerable, scared, devastated or angry (maybe a combo of it all) — but those are just feelings. And while feelings are meant to be felt, you get to decide what you are going to do with them.

This is why I always remind mamas that yes, divorce is an ending, but it is also a beginning. This is your opportunity to heal and to recognize where you compromised yourself, where you got lost...and how you can be found so you don’t repeat the cycle. It’s possible...I witness it every day.

Healing isn’t a destination unknown, it’s a homecoming. Are you ready to be found?

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine