What’s Your Story?

We can get stuck in our own stories, forgetting that we can author a new chapter (this one is personal)

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Is there a story that you are stuck in...a narrative you repeat when describing your life or divorce? I get it. It happens to us all more than we care to admit.

Just the other night I was sitting with an old friend chatting over a glass of wine. She’s the kind of friend I’ve had for decades (the kind I have to keep around because she knows all the secrets!) [wink]

I was sharing a difficult scenario and observation with her about another friend. While I was justifying my judgment of the situation, and while she was nodding in agreement — she also turned it back on me in a rather stunning way.

“Well, you can totally understand how this happens. It’s just like when you couldn’t see the way out of your own story. It took you time and we just had to wait it out trusting that you would come to your senses.”

Well then... BOOM!

That one didn’t feel so good. Why? Because she was right. She didn’t even realize what an aha moment she hit me with. I actually didn’t either until a little later as well. It’s why I’m sharing it here.

I was that woman.

The version of me she is referring to is the one who was stuck in a story with her ex-husband. It was a story of dramatic (with a capital D) twists, turns and all arounds. Think Lifetime Movie.

When it first unfolded, I buried myself in denial. It was my security blanket and how I could temporarily keep it all together. But truth can only be buried for so long. I was a strong, independent and accomplished woman — this behavior didn’t seem synonymous. And yet, it was.

At the time my life and marriage came crumbling down, my ex flooded me with excuses, distortions and untruths to keep me in the relationship — and I clenched onto them, so I didn’t have to face the writing on the wall. I couldn’t bear witnessing my seemingly ‘perfect’ life slipping through my fingers. I had a toddler and a life that didn’t have room for this.

But that’s not the way things go.

We can resist as long as we like. We can pretend we don’t see what we see, that we don’t feel what we feel, that we don’t know what we know for only so long. Our intuition isn’t a faucet that we shut off. We can swat its whisperings away like pesky flies. We can try to shove it aside.

But the voice of your intuition will only be suppressed for so long.

Besides, have you considered how much work it takes to fake it? The fear of the unknown falsely tells us it’s easier than experiencing the discomfort of having to look at the source of our pain and making difficult changes. But I’m living proof that life actually BEGINS on the other side of the charade.

Your life isn’t a marketing campaign. You don’t need to package yourself, pretend you are something you aren’t, show up in a way that isn’t aligned with your soul. If you do, one day it will fall apart. Your job is to let it fall and to trust where it is leading you next.

Where are you stuck in your own story? How do you describe your divorce, how you got to this point, your role in it?

What would make you happy?

When we are ready to write a new chapter, life will conspire. Don’t resist its invitation — instead, reach out, take its hand and trust it. Deep breath, mama. Your happy-ever-after ending hasn’t been written yet. Are you ready to compose it?

I sure hope so.

— Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach & Founder, Best Self Intuitive Divorce