Walk Down a Different Street

It’s easy to feel knocked off our feet by the events and emotions of divorce, but we can harness our own power to heal and choose a new path

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It’s easy to get derailed in divorce, less so to stay the course. But I don’t want you to beat yourself up. Remember, it took a while to land here, it will take a little while to get untangled.

In life we walk down the same street, repeating the same patterns until they feel like a comfy old sweater we can’t part with. But sometimes we need to let them go and move on.

Divorce digs up a lot and can feel quite overwhelming in the process. Lots of opinions, lots of feelings, lots of advice...lots of confusion and concern.

By the time a mother decides to get divorced, or concedes to one, she’s likely been through the ringer emotionally. She’s probably put up with a lot of emotional abuse. She’s likely pretended she didn’t see things, made excuses to herself and others, tried to maintain the peace and kept on truckin’ for the sake of the family (and forgetting).

But as I say time and time again with clients, once you see what you see — you can’t ‘un-see’. And you have to keep going.

During the course of your divorce process, you will likely hit potholes, slam into roadblocks, vacillate all over the place emotionally, doubt yourself, spend sleepless nights worrying about your decisions and just want to hide under the covers.

Join the club. But know this is temporary.

Feeling the enormity of it all doesn’t mean you are a failure (far from it). It means you are human. Getting knocked off your feet or triggered or upset is only a setback, not a reason to surrender. It also shines a light on the parts of you that are ready to be healed — and that’s great news.

Many of the women I work with are in relationships with toxic men who are adept at gaslighting. These very same strong, accomplished, creative, wonderful mothers have been manipulated and diminished for years and often lost pieces of themselves along the way.

Many of them have also experienced the wrath of enraged partners who begin to realize that they are losing their control. And when someone who is used to calling the shots realizes that there has been a plot twist — they almost predictably, like clockwork, lash out, make threats, scream, rant and rave. (Repeat)

As awful as that is — and as awful as that is for your kids to witness — it is also a time to commit to not being derailed and stay the course.

The mamas in our program have committed to freeing themselves. Even if they don’t know how, they know they want out. They know they can no longer tolerate living this way — and they care HOW they do it.

Divorce isn’t fun, but living in an unhealthy and toxic relationship for the rest of your life isn’t either.

Don’t get derailed and give up on what you know to be truth — and that future of calm, ease and freedom.

This is why having a support team during divorce is essential. You’ve likely never been down this path before and I’m sure you are realizing that HOW you walk it, matters. It matters what condition you and your kids are in once you land on the other side.

A coach is like having guardrails on that path. When you start to wobble or feel like you are coming undone, a coach props you back up, reminds you of your mission and even more importantly, guides you back to your own power.

And that’s what I get to do every day...be a guardrail for beautiful mamas. Honestly, I have the best job in the world because when one woman heals a part of herself, its effects ripple far and wide.

I want to share this poem by Portia Nelson that I have read over and over for many decades. Maybe it’s time to walk down a different street, mama?

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I.

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

II.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. It isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

III.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there, I still fall in. It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately.

IV.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

V.

I walk down a different street.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine