Exhale...This Is Temporary

The divorce process and pain will end. Reminding yourself of this will help you navigate the bumps and heal on the other side.

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Well-meaning people in our lives can still say many inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited, and ill-advised comments when we are going through divorce.

Everyone has an opinion and lots of ideas about what we should and shouldn’t do. I want you to know that is OK to shut yourself off from this noise. This is why we often refer to becoming the CEO of your own divorce.

Why a CEO? Because you need to step up and guide the narrative. It’s not about adding more work to your plate, it’s a mindset shift.

This is your life. You’ll live with the ramifications of the decisions made, the words said, the documents filed, and the actions taken. You’ll be the one left to look into your kids’ eyes and the mirror when the dust settles. Everyone else will go back to their lives and there you’ll be surrounded by the results of your collective actions.

That doesn’t mean that you have to have all the answers and know how to steer this ship. Far from it. It means that you assemble and trust the team you surround yourself by (which includes your social life). You need support, guidance and counsel. A CEO may make the ultimate call, but they always have a solid posse around them.

You may feel more insular right now — not as social, not as bubbly, not as conversational...not as YOU. Cut yourself some slack...you are navigating a divorce.

It’s prudent to protect yourself from anything that will drain your energy or pull you down. You know the people in your life who uplift you and conversely those who tend to trigger you. And even if you are just figuring that out, don’t be afraid to draw a line in the sand and put a bubble of protection around yourself and your kids.

You can’t be all things to everyone at all times, try as you may you multi-tasking-wonder-mom! Here’s something you may not have considered before. Instead of beating yourself up about what you aren’t doing — what if you recognized instead that it is actually wise to insulate yourself as you figure things out. Less is more here — less opinions, more space to align with your heart, intuition and soul.

There is a lot at stake and many moving pieces and parts. Besides, this is temporary. Just stop and say those words out loud, “THIS IS TEMPORARY.” Feel your entire nervous system exhale.

The divorce will end. Life on the other side will begin. I do want you to arrive at that destination in the best condition possible. Remember, it’s OK to take the time you need, to erect boundaries for yourself, to refrain from conversations and events — to nurture yourself. Get clear on all that uplifts you in the process and don’t be afraid to ask for another serving of it!

This is temporary, mama. Doesn’t that feel better already?

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine