The Wrong Train

There are reasons we land where we are...seeing the patterns that led to here helps us break them

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How do we stop the train that got us here?

What do I mean by that? Well, divorce can be a mess. For many women they suddenly wake up surrounded by the broken pieces of their lives and wonder how it all landed here.

But when life is in full-throttle chaos, it’s hard to have a big picture view of how it all arrived in this moment of emotional upheaval, vulnerability, anger, fear, disappointment, and heartache — not to mention all the other realities that need to be considered — legal, financial...and the kids.

I often say that divorce can feel like the house is on fire, requiring immediate response. Yet, here is the reality: It took a while to get here, it will take a little bit of time to unravel it.

And why exactly do you want to even look at that right now? Because it will change the entire experience of your divorce process as you go through it — it will also save you time, money and mitigate the emotional suffering for you and your kids. Not to mention it will set some groundwork for you all for the future — most importantly, help you avoid making the same mistakes.

Divorce isn’t something you want to muddle through, figuring things out as you go, hoping and praying it will all work out.

And while the details are different in each marriage, there’s a common thread with the mamas I coach — they want sustainable solutions. They can’t unsee what they now see — and they don’t want to repeat the behaviors that got them here or feel this way again. Cheers to that!

Let’s just say, you don’t want to hop back on that train — and instead want to choose a new destination.

Don’t beat yourself up about any of it, mama — not who you married, why you married, why or how long you stayed — or what you didn’t have the courage to act upon before now. Even if you are standing on wobbly legs, you are here at a point of change.

I know you probably just want the pain to stop, to make all this discomfort go away. But this isn’t a job for your attorney, or your financial advisor or even child therapist. This is a job for you — an internal one that will free you once and for all. I’m talking true freedom.

Before you think this is MORE work, I actually want you to think of it as the opposite. This is about a homecoming — reclaiming the pieces and parts of yourself that got shoved away, belittled, lost, muffled.

How much effort did it take to pretend it was okay, that you didn’t see what you saw, know what you knew? It’s time to put that burden down.

Think of this as a massive exhale — one that allows you to let go and to breathe. I want you to know that you can breathe healing into your life and that of your children right now. You can release yourself from an unhealthy relationship and navigate this all very differently.

Here’s a little secret: as successfully as the mamas we coach have navigated their divorces, they all stood where you do right now — confused, wanting to lean in, but skeptical that it could make a real difference. I’m happy to report that they’ve all proven themselves wrong!

You don’t need to know HOW, you just need to know in your heart and gut that you WANT to move through divorce and life differently than ever before...with clarity, with confidence, without the emotional ping pong...aligned with your heart, intuition and your Best Self.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine