The Power of Group

Divorce can make you feel isolated and alone in your pain — but mamas coming together in shared experience has an extraordinary healing power

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“I don’t do group.”

These were the words recently spoken by a potential client on a call. Hey, I get it. I used to think the same thing...until I did group.

I was always that very private person who wanted to keep my story and darkest thoughts and fears hidden under wraps or at least within the confines of the walls of my therapist’s office. I wasn’t ready to sit in a group setting, to share and bear my vulnerability.

Frankly, I had enough of my own problems and didn’t really want to hear about anyone else’s problems while I was swimming in a pool of my own.

But I was missing out and I see that now.

The power of group work really became evident to me when I enrolled in a 1-year coaching certification program. Our class had about 15 people women in it, women who grew to become sisters. You know why? Because when you bring heart-centered women together — they can’t help it and an amazing thing unfolds. They nurture and hold space for each other. They reflect back.

They are dream keepers and guard rails when you wobble. And I’m going to tell you, there’s nothing more powerful.

Many women become isolated to a degree by virtue of the busyness of life — work, family, household, to-do lists, etc. They yearn for connection and aligned community, but they put it off while attending to the needs of everyone else and then they find themselves alone with their emotional pain — especially in divorce.

So, what does this picture of an elephant have to do with any of it? Everything.

During my coaching certification, one of my coaches gave this to me. And I quote from the enclosed card it came with:

In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her. They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators.

And yet, we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are meant to be for each other. Sometimes we’re the ones in the middle. Sometimes we’re the ones kicking up dust with fierce, fierce love. But the circle remains.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much this speaks to my heart. It is such a powerful metaphor and expression of what women are capable of.

Yes, we are soft, loving mamas, but we are fierce protectors too.

In our Best Self Intuitive Divorce coaching program, there is a 1:1 coaching component, but also a robust group class element. And truth be told, this is where the magic unfolds. There is nothing like a gathering of women committed to healing and transformation — and who are willing to show up just as they are in any given moment.

Divorce has many twists, turns and triggers. It can be an emotional rollercoaster ride of epic proportions, but it doesn’t have to be.

Our work isn’t about bypassing feelings, it is about navigating them in a sacred container.

Some days we are the one in the middle of the circle; on others, the mama bear on the outside standing guard and consoling. There is great merit in both roles and in recognizing the power to allow both. We are both. We are all of it. Our circumstances vary, but our human emotions are very much a shared experience.

Yes, there is a time and place for solitude and stillness, but there is also great medicine to be found in connection and community. It’s why we incorporate both into our program. I’m speaking to you as a group-convert. I get it now. I see it every day and for me, there is no turning back.

Divorce is a separation of 2, but doesn’t have to be a solo journey.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine