The Perfect Strategy
Divorce is as much of an internal job as an external one. You’re going to need help, but you are the chief strategist, mama
You know what? I’m going to cut to the chase here. I’m not going to try to soften the blow, glorify divorce or tie it with a shimmery bow (even if I tried to, I wouldn’t be able to).
Because divorce is hard...maybe the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced.
When mamas come to us, they are seeking tools, tips, strategies and support. They want to be seen, heard, acknowledged — and they want guidance.
They want the pain to stop and to know what steps to take.
When you think of strategy and divorce, you likely think of the other people you will have to rely upon to get you through this painful process — the ones that will get you to the finish line and help you achieve the goals you desire.
But that’s only part of the story. They alone can’t do this no matter how you slice it. There is no magic wand to wave over your life and pain.
Yes, you’ll need a mediator or lawyer.
Yes, you’ll need to file paperwork with the courts.
Yes, you’ll need to negotiate and likely make concessions.
Yes, you’ll need advice from financial advisors and other professionals.
But ultimately, all decision-making is going to fall on you — and I get that can feel ominous.
The stakes are high. All aspects of your life are on the table. Truly.
And then this is compounded by the fact that you’ve likely been operating in a people-pleasing, keep-it-all-together role for your family for longer than you can remember. You may have even lost track of your own dreams and desires, and can’t even imagine where to start with all of this.
There’s the process, the clean-up and the rebuilding ahead.
You’re not alone.
The truth is that you don’t need to know how, you just need to acknowledge that you need help. And more importantly that you are worthy of that.
I know that the thought of writing a huge check to your attorney is daunting. I know that you are likely doing mental gymnastics in your head lying awake in bed in the middle of the night worrying. I know you are concerned about how to get your kids through this, how to keep a roof over your head and figure it all out.
I know because I went through it. Unfortunately for me, there weren’t many of the resources that are available today back when I was trying to figure this all out on a wing and a prayer.
You don’t have to wing anything, mama.
That said, there is no perfect strategy.
HOWEVER, showing up for yourself, allowing yourself to be seen and heard, held and supported, giving yourself permission to invest in your wellbeing IS strategic.
And don’t let anyone tell you differently.
HOW you get to the other side of this divorce process matters for you and your kids. The condition you are in when you are faced with the BIG decisions you will be faced with, matters.
And I can imagine that making one more decision at a time of total chaos and upheaval may feel like more than you can handle right now, but I promise you that supporting yourself in whatever way you can, will directly impact how this all plays out.
There is a hard way, but you don’t need to walk down that path.
It takes guts to declare what you need, especially during a period of deep sadness and grief. I see it with the mamas in our program and the ones who have graduated.
Their stories and circumstances vary, but there is one solid truth that binds them together — they each drew a line in the sand and said, “I want to get this right and I need help getting there.”
And you know what? They did...they divorced differently...and so can you.
I see you mama. I walked in your shoes and I want to help you transform the experience and outcome of this difficult moment for you and your children. Each day that I witness another mother cross to the other side — to get through divorce without unnecessary suffering — reminds me that I have the greatest job in the world.
So maybe there is a perfect strategy after all...it’s figuring out how to help yourself, mama — and then giving yourself permission to ask for it.
When one woman heals a part of herself, it honestly heals a part of all of us. Are you ready for some of that?
— Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach & Founder, Best Self Intuitive Divorce
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