The Internal Battle

While divorce can feel like an endless series of battles, to get the best results, you need to step back and act within the context of the bigger picture

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“I don’t want to turn into a complete #$&* [fill in your own expletive] during this divorce process!”

These words were recently conveyed to us by a new client...complete music to my ears. Of which we immediately reminded her, “You do realize this is the Best Self Intuitive Divorce Coaching Program, right?” We’ve got you.

While most people prep for battle with divorce, arming up with attorneys and ‘winning’ strategies, we guide our mamas to see the whole picture from the get go. And there is no better strategy than that.

Somewhere along the line you likely lost yourself in your marriage, but there is no reason that you need to lose yourself in your divorce.

The same inner voice that has propelled you to take a stand, to draw a line in the sand and declare...no more...something has to give — is the same one that can stand up, hands on her hips and proclaim HOW she is going to show up.

And before we go any further, let’s just get it out on the table. Divorce will stir the emotional pot. You will likely experience the full gamut of emotions — anger, fear, sorrow, grief, unworthiness, vulnerability, worry and deep sadness (repeat).

You are not a failure at anything because you are feeling the gravity of your experience. It is OK to feel it all...actually, it’s necessary.

The truth is that you’ve likely hidden parts of yourself throughout your life to suit the needs of others.

Oh, us mamas can become masters at this. Our needs, desires, dreams and self-worth fall to the bottom of the laundry basket and stay there unattended forever. Or not.

But one day, a truth wakes us up. Perhaps it’s the action of another. It doesn’t really matter because that which had been hidden can no longer be hidden. You can no longer pretend that this marriage is OK — that this life is sustainable — that this is what I want to model for my kids.

Just because a marriage ends, doesn’t mean it was a mistake or a fail. Look up into the face of those babies of yours and give thanks.

While the mamas we work with are dealing with all the necessary steps and strategies for navigating the divorce process — they are simultaneously, courageously looking at their lives, their marriages, their feelings and experiences so that they can put life back together in a way they can feel good about. They are telling the truth, first to themselves and then to the world.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but when you learn to bravely face your feelings — allowing the tears, the anger, the fear...all of it — you begin to make incredibly powerful discoveries about yourself in the process.

The world tells us to compartmentalize our emotions — keep them out of our negotiations — be stoic and unemotional. God forbid someone calls us hysterical. The reality is that to live a happy life, we need to live an integrated one that includes the sum total of who we are.

If we are not seen, heard, validated by our partners we shrink and wither and become a fraction of who we are meant to be. We lose our joie de vivre and thirst. We dull down until we barely recognize ourselves. And the longer we wait to do something about it, the more there is to risk — and the more likely it is all going to come out in an explosion.

You are not crazy because you are angry. You are not hysterical because that which you have kept hidden for a long time finds its way out. You are not abusive because you no longer agree with the narrative of your marriage. No, you are human.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable. You don’t have to pretend that this is OK, that you have the winning strategies. As Gabor Mate MD says, “everything in nature grows where it is vulnerable.”

In our coaching practice we walk beside mamas who want to embrace a big picture approach to their divorce — one that incorporates it all — the emotions, the tools and tips, the healing. We hold their hands as they regain themselves and navigate their divorces with confidence and heart — making grounded, intuitive and prudent decisions for themselves and their kids (yes, it’s possible).

Is this you?

Are you lost in the chaos of divorce in need of someone to walk beside you in your vulnerability? Book a FREE call to explore how you can divorce differently.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine