Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. (And Getting Un-stuck)
Caught in the mental spin cycle we can falsely believe that there is no way out, but being stuck is a state of mind...and that’s something we can change.
Do you ever feel stuck? Stuck in despair and heartache — stuck in seething anger and venom — stuck and unable to see a way out? Well, you’re not alone.
That’s what divorce can feel like. One minute you’re up and feeling confident about your moves and the next you’re down, questioning everything and you don’t know how to get off the treadmill. You repeat patterns, hear the same self-defeating thoughts bouncing around your head and feel like you are suffocating in a box that you can’t get out of.
You witness it taking a toll on you — dragging down all aspects of your life; your health, vitality, spirit, thirst for adventure and fun, your kids, your happiness — as if it were a slow drain right out of you.
And yet, you don’t know how to make it stop.
Though it can be painful to watch, I see the clients I coach experiencing myriad feelings all over the map and I applaud them. They aren’t staying there forever, this is temporary — and they need to feel to reveal and to get unstuck.
What do I mean by that?
The pain that emerges in the divorce process has a great deal of wisdom to impart. It isn’t the result of one single event, more than likely it is the result of years, decades, sometimes a lifetime of being invalidated, muffled, unseen, having pieces and parts of oneself shoved away and hidden.
Getting unstuck is a process of reclamation.
Pain can be both triggering and paralyzing, especially when we are feeling broken open, vulnerable and facing off with new and unknown territory. It’s hard to muster courage and faith when you just want to curl up under the duvet in bed and stay hidden there. Can someone please make this better?
What if I told you that you don’t need to know HOW to fix the problems of your world, you just need to recognize that you need to shift gears? Yes, it’s that simple.
Even if you don’t know exactly how to achieve this, it begins with getting clear and declaring, “This needs to stop! NOW.”
Then it requires a promise — “I’m committed to shifting this. This is no longer serving me.”
Then it requires an ask — “I’m open to receive. Please show me, guide me, walk beside me. Help.”
Those 3 simple steps, that are often bypassed as being ‘simplistic’, are where mommas remain stuck in unhealthy relationships. They ‘think’ they’ve taken these steps, but there is a huge distinction between thinking and doing. When we only think about things and don’t follow it up with action steps, our thoughts get lost within a sea of our disempowering beliefs, their voices drowned out.
You see, it isn’t enough to declare, “I just want to make the pain stop.” We need to be committed to being a part of the solution. And a beautiful thing happens when we do...when we take a step on behalf of the solution, life conspires, and we begin to see things shift.
What do you want, momma?
Are you ready to make a new commitment...one to self?
Can you ask for help?
You aren’t alone. Divorce is temporary and you can use this moment of ‘stuckness’ as an opportunity to catch a glimpse into the future chapter on the horizon. Do you see it? It’s glorious...as glorious as you dare to dream. This is your life dear sweet momma, seize it for you and your kids.
Remember, being ‘stuck’ is a state of mind — and we can change our mind at any time.
—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine
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