Self-Care Isn't a Buzz Word

No time for self-care during divorce? Think again...it's not a luxury, it's a strategy for supporting your wellbeing and getting the best outcomes for you and your kids

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OK, let’s cut to the chase: Self-care can sound like a fluffy buzz word especially when it feels like the house is on fire and you’re running in ten directions at the same time trying to attend to everything — your kids, your work, your house, your legal negotiations, your heart, your sanity. And I know how it can sound when someone tells you that you’ve got to take care of yourself. No eye-rolling!

Welcome to divorce.

What does meditating, journaling, taking a walk in the woods, languishing over a cup of tea, daydreaming out a window, diving into a really good book, buying yourself that delicious candle, standing barefoot in the grass, meeting up with a friend, getting a manicure, taking a yoga class, dancing around your room, taking yourself out to lunch, creating something or sitting in stillness — have to do with divorce? EVERYTHING.

At least it does if you want the best divorce (and life) outcomes. Of course, these are just my examples...feel free to fill in whatever nurtures you. Just fill it in and fit it in!

You are the foundation, mama. When you attend to that foundation and fortify it, everything that stands upon it follows suit. When you care for yourself, you care for your kids and the future you are recreating. Conversely, when you don’t, you eventually feel like you are running on empty which is a recipe for disaster:

• Your emotional triggers get the best of you and you make decisions for the wrong reasons
• You lash out at your kids and their emotional needs go unaddressed
• You feel like you are running in circles and getting nowhere in the divorce
• You feel at odds with the world — uncomfortable in your own body, disconnected

Self-care is one of the most important commitments that you can make to yourself and by extension your kids — and actually, it’s a shortcut to the success of your divorce.

When you prioritize yourself:

• You have more clarity and stamina to ride the rough waters
• You can be more present for your kids
• You can be more resilient and less triggered by the mudslinging and maneuvering of your partner
• You make more grounded decisions with ease
• You set a more positive and hopeful tone in your home and life
• And you’re telling yourself that you are worthy of a better story

This isn’t all about moving your body, it’s about moving your mind and moving your divorce. It’s a shift in awareness that allows you to begin healing.

Yes, I like to beat the self-care drum because I know the pivotal role it plays.

It doesn’t matter what your self-care looked like before — it matters what you do now, and even small steps can have a BIG impact.

What small shift could you make TODAY that could initiate this momentum? Observe yourself. Hey, I totally understand. I catch myself mindlessly scrolling when I don’t want to deal. It starts with interrupting behaviors that aren’t serving you and replacing them with something that DOES. Divorce is a bumpy ride. Self-care is your seatbelt so fasten up!

You’ve got a full plate, and the holidays are just around the corner — set yourself up for a win. It starts with saying yes to yourself.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine