Time to Remove the Blinders
Pretending we don’t see what we see in our marriages (and lives) only prolongs the pain and our ability to step into the solution.
Look, we see what we’re capable of seeing. Translation: what we are ready to see. It’s a coping mechanism we’ve all utilized at some point or another in some aspect of our lives. And so be it. There’s no point in beating ourselves up about it.
There are many reasons we do this — it’s too painful, too fear-inducing, too anxiety-provoking. We don’t like to be wrong.
How could my marriage have ended up here?
How could I have been so wrong about the man I married?
How could I not have seen the writing on the wall?
How could I have been so blind?
How could he not love me after all of these years?
Have you ever felt any of these sentiments? You’re not alone.
Denial is a powerful tool. If we pretend we don’t see something we can carry on losing ourselves in the busyness of life, distracted and self-medicated in other ways. We can sustain the status quo, not rock the boat, not feel the heartbreak, and just keep swimming.
But that’s not how it works. That which we pretend not to see eventually catches up with us and oftentimes its reach and wrath are multiplied.
Blinders only delay the inevitable...and prolong the pain.
But don’t beat yourself up. Don’t waste precious time over-indulging the past ‘mistakes’. As I like to say, the past is the past and it’s looking at your ass. The key question is NOW WHAT?
What are you going to do with all that you see, feel, intuit, know and can no longer deny?
How are you going to use it instead of being used by it?
First off, you give yourself a big ‘ol dose of compassion — just as you would a dear friend in need of consolation. You wouldn’t chastise your friend. You wouldn’t try to make them feel worse than they already do. No, you would wrap a big arm around their slumped shoulders and try to help formulate an action plan and infuse some positive perspective.
That’s exactly what you need to do for yourself.
Eventually the hindsight of our past experiences will guide us to new places and to move beyond repeating old patterns, but you can’t see it all when you are still in the thick of it or just tiptoeing out.
Be aware of your self-judging ways and start calling yourself out when you are heading down that path.
Rehashing the past won’t help you rebuild the future.
Just catching yourself doing that is big progress and exactly how we break up with old ways that are no longer serving us.
It’s time to take the blinders off, mamas. It’s time to stop denying the truth, stuffing parts of ourselves away, shrinking to play smaller, dulling ourselves so we don’t shine as brightly.
It simply ends with a decision to remove the blinders — to give yourself the permission to acknowledge the truth of your experience.
You got here as fast as you could and that’s all that matters. You are here now. There is no going back and there is a beautiful new future ahead. Are you ready to step into it? I hope so.
—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine
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