Reframing Divorce

Reframing is seeing our painful life events through a different lens — one that has our back and supports us through transformation

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Let’s face it…

The picture that divorce often brings to mind is bleak — one of a broken family and pile of broken dreams…but there’s a lot more to the story. It's easy to slip into a vicious cycle of disempowerment, but if you can step out of the noise around you — the societal conditioning, the self-judgment, the labels — you can see your divorce in a whole new light.

You can actually REFRAME it as an opportunity. And I know that can seem like a stretch, but just stick with me.

So, what is a reframe?

Think of it this way…have you ever put a beautiful new frame on an old piece of artwork? Suddenly, you see it through a new lens, its value shifts and you see something you hadn’t before. It’s the same thing with life events.

When we can look at them from a new perspective, we often see something we hadn't before. We understand it differently and it takes on a completely new meaning.

That’s a reframe…and it’s a powerful tool during divorce.

A reframe may feel like something you can only see in hindsight, not now in the middle of the mess. But really, this is about approaching life (and your divorce) with trust.

Could you imagine trusting that life is working out on your behalf? That you could use these painful events NOW as you move forward? That this isn’t the end of the road?

Here’s how it works:

Instead of seeing your divorce as a time of loss and despair, with your reframe you can begin to see the opportunity to rescript the person you want to be and the life you want to live.

Instead of pretending we don’t see the things we see or denying parts of ourselves long buried away — divorce becomes a chance to reclaim and embrace the truth of who you really are and what’s important to you.

Instead of scrambling to glue broken pieces back together — it’s a chance to leave behind what’s not working.

Through your reframe, you can turn hopelessness into hope, disempowered into empowered, limited thinking into limitless possibility.

Reframing does not mean you live in delusion and deny the pain. It’s OK to admit that this sucks right now…but you don’t want to stay stuck there. Learning how to reframe is literally a ticket out of suffering once you are willing to shift your mindset. It’s a breath of fresh air.

There is something more at stake: The opportunity for your children.

Like it or not, your kids are in the front row watching you, feeling the uncertainty of it all as the family unit and all of its routine and structure crumbles.

And in the backdrop, they’re forming ideas of what marriage is, and what it looks like to navigate difficult times.

What do you want them to see, feel and believe? What do you want them to think is possible in their own lives?

This is your chance to take them by the hand and be a role model through life’s ups and downs. It’s actually a tremendous opportunity for growth for your children.

Instead of worrying about the potential emotional fallout for your kids — with a reframe you can help them navigate their emotions and even build new life skills in the process. This is way bigger than the divorce itself — and with benefits far beyond what you can see now.

We don’t get a do-over in divorce.

This is your chance to get it right, to put your divorce (and life) on the right track — to clean up the mess behind you, to tame the trainwreck and design what comes next… It all starts with your reframe.

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that your life won’t. Divorce is an ending, but it is also a beginning. Don’t allow this opportunity to pass you by.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine