Prescription to Thrive (Even in Divorce)

Self-care is one of the most important commitments you can make — especially in divorce — and it will look different for each of us

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Do you need a spoonful of your own medicine, mama?

What do I mean...well, if I know you, you’ve been running around all summer taking care of the needs of everyone else before your own. Maybe you’ve been doing this your whole life? Maybe this is why your marriage landed where it did?

But that strategy can only sustain itself (and you) for so long. Eventually something’s got to give — and I don’t want it to be your wellbeing. You are the foundation — and no one wants to build upon a wobbly foundation. Besides, your kids are counting on you.

So, before you roll your eyes and think this is yet another rant about ‘self-care’, before you start rolling the excuses about why you don’t have time to take on another thing — I simply want you to take a deep breath. Yep, that’s it.

I want you to honor yourself. I want you to tune into your body. Ask it how it feels right now. Ask it how you can support it. Ask it what would make it feel better.

We’re quick to point out what isn’t working...but what about what is? This beautiful, strong body of yours birthed babies, carried them, nurtured them, held them when they were hurting. Give thanks for this vessel of yours.

But what does it need right now?

Let’s face it, self-care is never going to look like unicorns and stardust — unless of course we run off to that yoga retreat in an exotic locale and never come back. [wink]

Let’s not overromanticize it. When we do, we sabotage ourselves. We make it unsustainable. We set ourselves up for failure...and we find ourselves falling short of our promises to self, kind of like new year’s resolutions that fall apart within weeks.

Let’s not do that. Let’s find a better way.

Recently in a session with a client, she caught herself headed down that path and then declared, “You know what, I need to honor those baby steps — the things that I am doing right and can build upon. I need to focus on that.”

Yes! Yes! And more yes!

And just the other day another mama was feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated to the point she said, she may need to put her coaching off right now. “I just have so much on my plate right now.”

I listened and acknowledged how she was feeling and then said, “Nope, I’m not letting you go.” We both laughed, but I was serious. I wasn’t going to let her give up on something that was nurturing her through this process.

I get how there are only so many hours in a day. I know that divorce is overwhelming, but it’s also a time to lean in, not out. Find a way to care for yourself.

I wasn’t letting her give up on herself and we figured out the details. As a business colleague once said, everything is figureoutable.

Don’t be so quick to cut out that which feeds you. You need sustenance right now.

Women always ask me how they can connect more deeply and fully with their intuition. The answer is simple — go inward, get quiet, listen to what comes up, what you feel, sense, know. The truth will rise loud and clear.

And conversely, when you are resisting, fighting, pushing, muscling your way through life — your intuition is telling you to pay attention, be willing to shift things up, to see a new way — to trust yourself.

The world we live in doesn’t foster this, in fact, it disconnects us from our senses.

It distracts us. It makes us distrust our own feelings, run in circles and ultimately either fall into a pile of despair or react in regrettable ways.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Ask yourself what small adjustment, commitment, promise could you make to self today to honor the incredible soul that you are. You need you more than ever.

Time for a spoonful of your own medicine, mama.

— Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach & Founder, Best Self Intuitive Divorce