Permission To Change Your Mind

Ever feel stuck along the divorce path? Maybe it’s time to try a new path...

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I hereby grant you permission to change your mind. Yes, you. I’m talking to you. And while that may seem silly, I couldn’t be more serious. Of course, you don’t need my permission, but I want you to give it to yourself — and continue giving it as long as you need it.

Let me explain more.

I always guide the mamas I coach to find the path of least resistance, conflict and chaos — to be aligned with their intuition and wisdom. For example, that could mean going the mediation route before heading straight to court and incurring ludicrous legal fees that drain your marital bank accounts. But there is a sad reality to this as well.

This process is dependent upon two parties showing up with a common objective. And I know that can sound like a stretch if you are getting divorced, but the ‘divorce’ itself could become that common objective.

Finalizing the dissolution of your marriage with the least chaos, drama, time lost and money spent is a beneficial strategy for the entire family.

Sadly, that’s not always possible. I get it.

If you could negotiate this easily, you’d likely have been able to stay married. That said, there are strategies to navigate divorce that help keep everyone intact while meeting goals.

Divorce is not a one-size fits all. Give yourself permission to decide which path is best for you.

Recently one of my mamas hit a wall in mediation. Having come with an open heart and mind with a ton of paperwork filled with facts and figures, she was ready to hash out a reasonable distribution of assets. But her ex had other plans and started talking in circles and trying to bully her into his point of view.

After a few more futile attempts at this she grew weary and deflated, even muttering the words through tears, “I’m dreading going back to mediation.”

“What if you don’t go?” I asked.

Initially, she was stunned by my question. “Mediation isn’t for everyone...and clearly in your case this is counterproductive. You don’t have to go back. This is beginning to feel abusive. Perhaps it’s time for a lawyer who can speak for you. S/he can also educate your soon-to-be-ex on the law according to the law, not your husband’s opinion.”

In an instant, her entire being exhaled and was enveloped in a hug of relief.

That’s what giving yourself permission to pivot, change your mind and make a new move can feel like. It’s literally that simple...especially if you have someone at your side pointing out a new perspective you may have overlooked.

It’s amazing how we can get in our own way and see things from a single vantage point. There’s no need to back yourself into a corner. Trust yourself. When something isn’t working, when all doors feel closed — it’s time for a new solution.

Are you ready to give yourself permission to shift gears? I hope so. Follow the yeses and walk away from the closed doors.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine