Money Matters: Seeing the Big Picture During Divorce
How to unplug the triggers and see the truth regarding your financial picture.
No, money can’t buy you happiness…but money stress and strain, especially during divorce, can be debilitating…even paralyzing.
Money demons are real — and they love to whisper in our ears when we are at our weakest or in the middle of the night as we try to sleep. Tossing and turning, we are tormented by the fear of being unable to support ourselves and our children going forward.
Where will we land?
What will be left when the divorce is over?
How will I ever be able to afford these lawyers and their never-ending bills?
Look, I get it. Paying the bills and keeping a roof over your head is a reality. And no matter how you slice it, divorce is costly. It is the division of assets in whatever equitable or non-equitable fashion it results in.
You may not be able to change your bank account balance in this very moment, but you can shift your money mindset.
Money is a big trigger for many and can have a lot of constructs both societal and familial attached to them. Trust me, I’ve been there done that and wasted a lot of time. And what few know is that ALL of my money was taken away, literally. So, I know a thing or two about this.
This moment of ‘disempowerment’ can be a great time to explore where your money beliefs stem from. Why? So you can let them go.
When you feel triggered try sitting still, place one hand on your heart — the other on your belly, close your eyes taking a deep and expansive breath in filling your belly. Release it, and say the words aloud, “I am being triggered by…(fill in your own event)” as you imagine this scenario.
What comes up? Where do you feel it in your body?
Then ask yourself, is this ‘real’? I know it feels real in that moment…but is it real? For example, “I’m being triggered that I will not have money to support myself and my kids.”
Ok. That’s the feeling (and the fear speaking), but is it reality?
If I know one thing about us mommas, we are resourceful and we will never let our kids go unsupported.
Now for myself, that didn’t mean I didn’t make my own compromises and get creative, but when there is a will there is a way — and it’s important to remember that this is temporary.
I don’t want you to recite anything that doesn’t feel true, nor do I want you to shove your feelings away because you are a ‘good girl’ and you need to paste on a happy face in the meantime to make everyone else feel better.
What if you were to instead say aloud, while still sitting in the same position, “I trust myself to navigate this. I will find a way through this. I always support myself and my kids and will never abandon them.”
Doesn’t that feel like something that rings of both truth and possibility…something you can believe and allow to calm your nervous system?
We can’t think straight or make big moves in life from a frazzled and fearful place. It won’t serve your desired outcomes and will actually make things worse.
When an entrepreneur launches a new business, there are unavoidable start-up costs and risks. Think of your divorce as your start-up — the chance to re-envision and redesign the life you want. There are costs associated with creating the most solid and grounded foundation beneath you. And yes, you could view it as money going out or you could view it as the business of investing in your beautiful future.
Divorce is an ending, but it is also a beginning.
I want to show you how to become the CEO of your divorce and how to both heal and reveal a new money story in the process. Sometimes you need someone to walk beside you to help guide you to make the right decisions — and to remind you that even though you don’t feel like it right now — you’re a badass. You’re a momma. You’ve birthed human beings! You’ve got this.
—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine
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