Invisible Growth

Not all our actions yield visible and tangible results — yet, that doesn’t mean they aren’t important, in fact, critical to growth, happiness and healing

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I recently started writing a blog for Best Self Magazine about an experience I had with a business coach and a comment she made during our conversation — and suddenly realized that the concept applied to divorce too.

That’s the really cool thing about healing, growth and expansion of any kind. Most people envision coming out on the other side of divorce scarred, deflated and staring at a pile of ashes of a life that once was. What they rarely see is the opportunity and the possibility beyond this.

This is why two things are so very important when navigating the divorce process — learning how to trust yourself and consciously managing how you are going to get through it. These two things will inform what condition you and your kids are in when you arrive on the other side of it all.

Look I don’t take any of this lightly. These aren’t buzz words gratuitously thrown about. I know because I walked through this valley AND I made a lot of mistakes. I scrambled about putting one fire out and moving onto the next.

I didn’t have a plan.

I didn’t have the right support or guidance. I didn’t really know what ‘trusting’ myself meant and I certainly was a frazzled, worn-out mess physically and emotionally when I arrived at the other side. Honestly, that took a long time to unravel and recover from.

But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.

This is why I am so passionately dedicated to helping mamas avoid those same pitfalls.

So, back to what the biz coach said and how it applies to you. As we were talking, she remarked how we were in a period of ‘invisible growth’. I loved that. It immediately resonated with me and kind of calmed my nervous system.

You see, especially in business, we are so focused on the bottom line, achieving objectives, productivity, etc. But that can’t be a perpetual setting from which we operate — it’s a recipe for burnout. The same goes for life and our spiritual growth and emotional healing.

Not every day is demarcated by a tangible result (i.e. a signed legal doc or stipulation) and yet, that doesn’t mean that day wasn’t important. How do you measure success?

Consider what your ‘invisible growth’ period includes right now for you and your kids — and how you want to navigate this difficult moment. What seeds are you planting?

What do you want to model for them? How do you want to show up for yourself? What do you want to shift and how do you want to feel while doing it?

We don’t have to wait until the divorce decree is signed to find happiness in our day. We live in a world that always has an eye on the horizon. I’ll be happy when... But true happiness is accessed when we choose to consciously navigate adversity and learn how to trust ourselves in the process.

I know it doesn’t happen overnight, especially when you’ve been doing it differently for a long time. But today is a new day and I invite you to step into your period of ‘invisible growth’.

I envision this period of time to be quiet and contemplative. It isn’t a time of making kneejerk reactions for the wrong reasons that will only result in regret later. It is a time of stillness, a time to reconnect with your own inner guidance and voice without judgement. And a period that will be abundant with discoveries and tools we can carry into the rest of our life.

Cheers to your ‘invisible growth’, mama.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine