The Hope & Pray Method

Are you relying on the 'hope and pray' method to get you through divorce? This is not the time to gamble with the outcomes you want for you and your children.

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There are times in our lives when we can hold out for rainbows and unicorns to magically appear and make everything better — divorce is not one of them. The ‘hope and pray’ method is not the path you want to walk down.

Look, I get it. For most, divorce feels like a cyclone that swept through leaving little, if anything untouched. As you sit in the rubble of what was once a vision for a happy-ever-after, it can be overwhelming to even think about what to do next (even if you initiated the divorce).

There’s a lot at stake — the wellbeing of your kids, your finances, your health, your future…your sanity. It’s a tremendous amount to think about at once…so overwhelming in fact that it’s easy to immobilize yourself with fear.

Unfortunately, it isn’t a time to lean back…it’s a time to lean in. What does leaning in mean? It means not leaving things to chance. It means getting clear about the outcomes you want and getting strategic about how you can achieve them. Yes, you get to decide this.

When you leave things to the ‘hope and pray’ method (let me know if you can relate to any of these)…

• You lie awake at night anxious about the enormity of the decisions you are faced with
• You seek the advice, opinions and even validation of everyone else because you are overwhelmed and don’t trust yourself
• You throw a LOT of money at attorneys and worry about how you will afford all of this or ever get out of it
• You struggle with your children and how to deal with them as you witness them become withdrawn, upset or angry — you even try to win their affections or enlist them on your team
• You make hasty, emotionally-charged decisions, which you often come to regret — finding yourself short-tempered and lashing out at your kids
• You ignore your own needs and self-care, leaving you frazzled and exhausted
• You scroll endlessly through Google for answers to all that ails you (or to self-medicate)
• You torture yourself looking at old family photos or blaming yourself or your partner
• You distrust that you will ever be happy or even find love again

And worse yet, you hope and pray it will all work out.

But you need to take a step in the direction of what you desire. It won’t magically appear.

So where do you start?

You get quiet. You get clear. You take action and you trust yourself.

Sounds easy enough, right? Well, in one way it’s very simple and yet, most of us have spent our lives over-complicating things. When was the last time you allowed yourself to sit in stillness so you could drown out the noise of all that is going on outside?

You may not be an expert in divorce, but you can check in and know what feels right and what doesn’t. Does this decision feel aligned with my heart? Ask it. If it doesn’t, don’t make it. You are the one who will live with it afterwards — that will have to explain this to your kids. What do want to teach them about following their gut and making decisions?

When we can begin practicing making aligned decisions in our lives, everything changes. It cuts right through the chaos, avoids the need for clean-up later and helps us get where we want to go faster.

Your answers lie within. Yes, you will likely need guidance from some experts to navigate your divorce process — but you don’t need to sit by on the sidelines hoping and praying it will all work out.

You want to know the best part of my work? I get to guide women back to their power, to their voices and their possibility — and get to the other side of their divorce. Witnessing a woman return to her truest essence is one of the most extraordinary blessings.

Are you ready to do more than hope and pray your way through divorce?

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine