Honoring Your Pace

In divorce where things are often moving at high speeds, we often falsely believe that we need to make immediate decisions at that same pace.

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At the end of the day, there is only one clock you can set the pace of your divorce (and life) to — and that is your internal, intuitive, heart-centered and grounded self. Sounds good, right? But how exactly does one achieve that...

This is a topic that’s been coming up a lot lately with clients and not only do I tell them that it is OK to do this...I remind them that it is actually great and should be considered a win.

Yep, putting the brakes on, pausing and slowing things down if you are feeling pulled to do so — is a demonstration of wisdom and self-love.

During the chaos of divorce, with all of its pushes and pulls and emotional upheaval — we tend to lose our voice. We second guess ourselves. We look to others for opinions and answers. We seek out guidance and strategy.

And we forget that there is ultimately only one authority at the table; the one who will be left with the ramifications of the choices made...YOU (and your kids).

It's not that other people don’t care, but they will go back to their lives when it is all over. So, remember that the choices before you are yours to make and live with. That seems obvious enough until we are seduced by the notion that someone may have the answer to making this all magically disappear.

There is tremendous wisdom and grace in moving at your own pace and timeline. You may be moving ahead with clarity, getting your ‘ducks in a row’, feeling all productive one day and sitting at a standstill in a pile of doubt the next. Welcome to the complexity of making big life decisions. Deep breath.

If you remember nothing else, please take this in: The pace (in life and divorce) is yours to set. Read it again (and again if you need to).

When a client put the brakes on moving forward with her divorce proceedings, I applauded her. I knew it was exactly what she needed in this moment. She wasn’t hiding in denial (and that is something to call yourself out on), she was actually honoring herself and her need to exhaust all possibilities.

Whether it all leads to reconciliation or finalizing her divorce proceedings, she will have honored her own pace and needs.

Due to various circumstances, not everyone has the luxury of time and space. There definitely are emergent situations that require quick response. But in general, when you can gift yourself this opportunity and space, you’ll want to take it. Getting clear on where you are and what you need is a life skill that will never steer you wrong.

No two people are alike, neither will their divorces be. Honor you pace, momma, you won’t regret it.

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine