He Ruined My Life...
You may have been married to a narcissist, or a bully or simply someone who invalidated your voice or opinion...so, now what?
Through seething anger or tears of despair, I have heard this sentiment conveyed in session with clients repeatedly:
He ruined my life.
These are the words spoken from the wound, not the scar — from the momma looking around at her life wondering how it led to here, to this divorce and this life mess.
It’s hard to have hindsight and wisdom until you are on the other side of any event, but it is an incredible moment of opportunity — opportunity to see what needs to change and simply trust yourself that you will figure it out.
No one likes a journey without a roadmap. Let alone one with an unclear destination on the horizon. Then low vibe emotions like fear, guilt, shame, uncertainty and vulnerability can line up and invade your psyche, becoming the dominant voice. They tell you that you are a victim, that someone else ruined your life, etc.
Who’s in charge of authoring your life story? Are you going to allow a single person to control your lifeforce and what’s to come? Again, I repeat...Hell NO!
Fine, you may have been married to a narcissist, or a bully or simply someone who invalidated your voice or opinion. You may have spent decades shrinking, slowly losing pieces of yourself, chipping away at your vibrancy. You may have allowed him to take advantage of you and run the show. You may have told yourself, it’s good enough, it’s not that bad...it could be worse.
And yes, you may have stayed too long. But you are here now in your timing.
The reality is that none of that matters beyond how you can use it to become more aligned with this present moment — and who you want to be in it, what kind of mother you want to show up as.
The past is the past. Leave it there. And P.S. you can leave anyone you don’t want along for the ride there as well. Let that sink in a moment. Doesn’t that feel better already? You know why? Because you are taking back your power. You are now in the driver’s seat and in charge of the course.
There are a few things I want you to remember:
Just because a marriage is ending, doesn’t mean it was a failure.
And even if you thought this was your ‘forever’ person, they will forever be a part of your journey to here.
Pain reveals what we are ready to see and face. More importantly, what we are ready to heal.
One day you will be able to thank this discomfort and this person you are divorcing. You will not see the pain, you will see it as a catalyst — and you will thank it. Thank you for freeing me. Thank you for allowing me to become ME again — for remembering and becoming — for having the courage to act.
You may not feel any of those things yet. That all may feel like pie in the sky, but I promise you that this pain is the cry of your Best Self cheering you on, jumping up and down excitedly that you are listening to your intuitive self. That voice knows there is so much more ahead for you...so much more is possible...just keep going.
No one can ruin our lives unless we let them — unless we give them the power to do so. Take back your power, momma. Isn’t it time to write your next chapter for you and your kids?
—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine
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