Future Tripping

Why a little daydreaming about the future can be a powerful life hack

—

Now normally I like to refrain from excessive ‘future-tripping’ because it robs you of the present moment. However, a little daydreaming about what’s possible on the horizon never hurt anyone (especially in divorce). In fact, it can be a great life hack.

What do I mean about that?

Well, it’s honestly about reaching for a better feeling. In divorce it’s so easy to be dragged down the black hole of triggering emotions: fear, anger, heartbreak, unworthiness, vulnerability, despair, etc. And while our feelings need to be felt, they don’t need to take up permanent residency either. The goal is to move through them — to acknowledge them, hold them, be with them...heal them.

So how do we do that?

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming. We witness ourselves and we observe our patterns.

For example, when such and such happens (fill in your own blank), I tend to X (fill in your own emotional spiral down).

Don’t beat yourself up about it, just see it. Think of it as a habit...and we all know that bad habits are meant to be broken. Don’t shame it, simply acknowledge it. Oh, I see you. Don’t run or try to hide. It’s OK. We’ve been through a lot, but this routine is no longer serving us. Come sit next to me and let me give you a hug.

Then send it on its way.

The other day in our group coaching class my heart literally wanted to jump up and down for joy when a client recounted how she implemented my strategy — and it worked! She felt herself slipping and reached for the life preserver. She heard my voice in her head and she cut the emotional plummet off at the pass. Instead of getting dragged down a dark corridor of self-defeating thoughts, she began to envision what life could look like on the other side of her contentious divorce proceedings.

Now of course that didn’t change the reality of her present moment circumstances, but it drastically shifted her experience of them and her ability to navigate life outside of the divorce — with her work, her child, her puppy, her hope for the future.

Shitty things happen to us, but that doesn’t mean we have to allow them to hijack our entire lives.

We get to choose how we are going to respond.

Reaching for a better feeling, for a vision of something that fills you rather than depletes you — is a life hack. How could you reach for something that feeds you, inspires you, gives you goosebumps? What is that for you — do you even allow yourself to contemplate that?

When you were a kid, your mind was an endless source of possibility. Your dreams knew no boundaries. Where did this go?

Maybe a little daydreaming is in order. A walk barefoot in nature? A bubble bath? A delicious chai latte? A soothing massage? Some creative time? A dance party? Some belly laughs? Whatever it looks like to you, could you lean into it just a tad?

Self-care is so easily overlooked, especially by mothers navigating divorce and worrying about all the outcomes. It can be dismissed as something superfluous or that you’ll get to later, but nothing could be further from the truth. Self-care is strategic (and it feels good).

It also determines the condition you will be in when you arrive at the other side of your divorce — and that matters, YOU matter. So don’t start making excuses! It doesn’t have to cost a lot or consume a lot of time.

Even in your darkest days as you face off with the realities of your current life shifts, twists and turns — you can choose to feel better.

You are allowed to look to the horizon and design what comes next. You can put the pieces of your new life together in any configuration of your choosing.

Go ahead. Give it a whirl. I see green lights, rainbows and sunshine on your horizon (maybe even a unicorn or two)...do you? I sure hope so. You are so worthy of this mama, trust me.

As my friend Mike Dooley says, “Thoughts become things...choose the good ones!” Why not, right?

—Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine