Divorce With Love

We can actually feel sadness, grief and love at the same time — we can sit in the disappointment of losing something that once mattered to us

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I know...the words divorce and love rarely go together...but they can.

I’m certainly not diminishing the experience of divorce — the emotional upheaval and havoc it can wreak on a family (and a heart). Nor am I going to sugarcoat things with unrealistic rainbows and unicorns.

We can actually feel sadness, grief and love at the same time. We can sit in the disappointment of losing something that once mattered to us.

Though the holidays have likely been anything but Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, and though nothing likely feels fabulous or the same...remember, your marriage is ending for a reason. Don’t allow your triggers to toss you a curveball. There was something you couldn’t tolerate anymore, something you could no longer hide away, something that had to give, shift and change.

While the season can be a mixed bag emotionally, it is also a wonderful time to draw a line in the sand and declare what you want life to look and feel like for you and your kids today and going forward.

As we stand on the threshold of a new calendar year, ask yourself what you want to leave behind — and what you want to step into. Sit quietly and place your hand on your heart, close your eyes, take a deep breath and envision what it will feel like. Dream big. Allow it to embrace you like a delicious hug. Breathe into this and smile. Feel it. Trust it is possible.

Allow your heart to feel what it feels.

Allow yourself to acknowledge that it hurts.

Allow yourself to witness the younger version of you who had visions for this family and this love story.

Allow yourself to bring your heart into the negotiations.

Allow yourself to be the loving example you want to be for your children.

Allow your heart to remain open to receive.

It’s easy to lash out in anger when we are hurt — it’s almost expected. However, what if instead, we took action with love? That doesn’t mean you’re a doormat or that you tolerate unacceptable behavior. It means that you act consciously in alignment with your heart. It means that you show up as your Best Self, that you model for your children and step into the parent you want to be and that you refrain from kneejerk reactions and seeking revenge.

To love is to feel and to soften.

What do you want to let go of?

What do you want to lean into?

Allow yourself to handle your divorce with love, to be vulnerable and brave at the same time, to transform and to heal — to be kind to yourself as you go.

Now that sounds like a new year’s resolution I can get behind...you? Are you ready to divorce differently?

 —Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine