Divorce Month

Perhaps it's time to finally step into your power, into the true, vibrant you that has been suppressed, maybe for years...but there's a right way and wrong way

—

I guess it’s really a thing? January is notoriously referred to by family practice attorneys as ‘divorce month’. Kind of gives the beginning of the new year a bum rap...or does it?

Women are so adept at pushing through, putting on a good face, showing up for everyone else...I just want to get through the holidays, I just want to get my kids through high school, I just want to do what’s best for my children.

Does this ring any bells? What’s your excuse?

Of course, you want what’s best for your kids. Of course, you don’t want to rock the boat and turn your home upside down. Of course, you want to pull off the holidays like a Hallmark movie...however, what about YOU? Where are you in this equation?

Have you considered that what is good for YOU is also good for your kids — that happiness is not mutually exclusive? That maybe you don’t have to sacrifice your own wellbeing for that of your family? Yet, we so easily subscribe to this thinking as mothers.

Holidays are such a loaded bag. They can be rough to get through even in the best of times when everything in life is moving along with ease. There are so many obligations, tasks and expectations that can be a set up for disaster.

When we do things for the wrong reasons, when we delay the inevitable — we compound the pain. Hey, I get it. No one wakes up and eagerly exclaims, well, this is a great day to get divorced! It’s kind of like being excited for a root canal.

The truth always has a way of resurfacing no matter how deeply you try to stuff it away. And remember, even if there was one dramatic event that shifted everything in your marriage — there was likely a series of events, moments, experiences that preceded this one. It is a tremendous opportunity for self-exploration and growth — a time to identify what you will no longer tolerate and certainly don’t want to repeat.

Even if you are the initiator of the divorce, it’s an enormous move to make. It takes thought and conscious, grounded, intuitive navigation. But like it or not, it requires a bold commitment to get it right for you and your kids. To finally shift the dynamic with your partner that’s been weighing you down, maybe for years.

Divorce isn’t a decision to be made lightly, but neither is staying in an unhealthy, unhappy, unfulfilling marriage. When you do, what kind of message are you sending your children? What are you modeling for them? What tone are you creating in your home?

You deserve to be happy momma. You deserve to be celebrated, respected, loved and joyous.

So yes, I guess January probably is divorce month. It’s a demarcation of time — endings and beginnings. A time to declare what you want life to look and feel like.

I know it’s an emotionally laden decision. I know it’s triggering. I know it’s fear-inducing, but staying in a marriage for the wrong reasons is worse and will chip away at you every day.

I’ve been through the pain of divorce. I’ve been so scared that I just wanted to run back. I’ve been so angry that I wanted to throw things across the room. I’ve been so broken that I thought life would never feel good again. But I pushed through.

I hold the hands of mothers as they navigate these shifts in their lives. I walk beside them and keep reminding them of their inner strength and worthiness. And when I begin to witness another woman reclaiming herself and coming back alive, my heart smiles.

It’s January. Maybe divorce month isn’t so bad after all.

 —Kristen Noel, Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach | Editor-In-Chief, Best Self Magazine