Can’t Imagine a New Chapter? Debunking 5 Divorce Myths

As mamas we often lose ourselves, dismiss our needs and deny our truths. And we subscribe to myths that hold us back in divorce...but it’s time to debunk them

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Sometimes we see it coming, sometimes we ignore the warning signs, sometimes it lands unannounced like a tsunami devastating everything in its wake, leaving us feeling completely blindsided. That pretty much sums up divorce.

OK, so now what?

Not yet ready for a new chapter? Well, it’s here and no amount of denial is going to change that or help you. In fact, it will only hurt you at this juncture.

Denial is likely part of the reason you landed here in the first place. What did you ignore or pretend not to see in your marriage? But you can no longer deny seeing what you see, feeling what you feel, knowing what you know. You are far more powerful than that mama. Claim it!

You are ready to do this differently.

We talk to hundreds and hundreds of mamas — and though the details of their circumstances differ, at the core many of the pain points are the same. There’s no denying that divorce impacts all aspects of your life; your emotions, self-worth, finances, kids...and future.

I know the pain points and I know the myths that hold women back from seeking the help and support they need to achieve the outcomes they desire. We mamas aren’t so good at asking for help or making our needs a priority.

But let’s change that.

Here are a few divorce myths you may relate to — each are accompanied by some myth-busting realities, or what I like to refer to as a bit of strategic divorce back talk:

Let’s start with the Money Myth...

Myth # 1 / The Money Myth

There’s too much going on, too many decisions to make, too many expenses ahead — I’m afraid to spend anything right now.

The Debunk:

Money certainly can be a trigger and a source of anxiety. However, while this IS a time of financial uncertainty — it actually IS a time to invest in getting the best results in your divorce (and avoid costly mistakes).

With the right support you can avoid overspending on lawyers and other professionals that may not be aligned with your ultimate goals — and secure the financial settlement you desire for you and your kids. Don’t be afraid to invest in yourself — and get the help you need at a time you need it most.   

Myth #2 / The Self-Care Myth

I’m sad, overwhelmed and I don’t have time for this right now.

The Debunk:

The reality is that self-care is the foundation that you create beneath you to support yourself and your children through this ordeal. A mother who is a frazzled, worn-out mess can’t be on her A-game to make major life decisions or show up as her best for her kids.

How you support yourself is directly linked to the condition you will be in on the other side of your divorce. Sidenote: It looks differently for each of us. Whether it’s big or small, it all matters — it is about honoring and nurturing yourself. Self-care is the path to making grounded moves and healing.

Myth #3 / The NOW Myth

How can I possibly deal with this all now — my emotions, self-care, kids, finances, divorce process, future — I can’t take on anything else.

The Debunk:

Yes, divorce casts a wide net and affects all parts of your life. And while you want to be thoughtful about big decisions, you also want to be mindful of dragging your feet or inaction.

Divorce is a game of chess moves. In some cases, you need to be decisive NOW so that you can avoid pitfalls and regrettable missteps later.

You’ve likely never been down this path before so it’s unfamiliar territory, but you don’t have to go this alone. For example, working with a coach will help you take control of your divorce. And the sooner you do that, the less likely you will become a victim of the process.

There are moves that you can make now that will change the trajectory of your divorce (and life), help you protect your kids — and avoid a time-sucking, emotionally-draining money pit.

Myth #4 / The Parenting Myth

I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know how to get them through this. Kids are adaptable. I’ll explain this all later.

The Debunk:

The stakes are high with kids and divorce — and the emotional fallout can play out for years. It’s important to get this right. But here’s the good news: even if you’ve never been divorced before, you do know what to say to your kids. You are a mama — even if you need to be reminded of your superpowers.

A skilled coach will help guide you back to trusting your voice so that you can speak from your heart, know what and what not to say in different circumstances with children of different ages, what signs to watch for, and how to navigate co-parenting (especially with a high-conflict partner).

There is no perfection in parenting, but your kids need you now. How you show up for them will influence how they will navigate their own life adversity.

Myth #5 / The Intuition Myth

Intuition sounds nice, but how is this possibly strategic in divorce?

The Debunk:

The most important voice at the divorce table is yours. At the end of the day, everyone else will go home and you will be left with the ramifications of your choices.

Harnessing the power of your intuition is the most strategic tool you can use in the divorce process — and will become an incredibly powerful filter for all life decisions.

Many women lose pieces and parts of themselves during marriage, motherhood and careers — but we’ve developed a process to guide mamas back to their voice so you can make grounded decisions aligned with your intentions and heart. And there’s nothing more beautiful than that. Intuition is a game-changer in transforming the experience and outcomes of divorce.

Let those myths sink in a minute — better yet, let the debunks take hold. I bet something, if not all of it, felt familiar or triggering. If so, I’m glad because it means you are ready to admit this to yourself and to declare that you deserve better in your divorce (and life).

Sometimes a new chapter gets initiated by another or by circumstances beyond our control, but I want you to know that you can take control of how the story goes from here...I promise.

Are you ready for that?

— Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach & Founder, Best Self Intuitive Divorce